Because I love writing cracky fanfic for my own fiction.

[thatrcooper]

Though, to be fair, Ray and Cal are pretty cracky already.


This is a (slightly edited) respost of a commentfic I did at plainapple's request for Christmas, in which she asked for Ray and Cal (werewolf detective and half-fairy pain in the ass, respectively) trapped inside a gingerbread house of some kind.




"What did I tell you? Don't piss off a sorceress of Akeyo's years and experience, I said. And what did you do?" Ray winced as he half-shifted, changing enough to scratch at the gingerbread walls surrounding them. All he got for his trouble were claws covered in a deliciously unique form of drywall and a spattering of frosting across the front of his suit.

"Hey! How can you blame this on me? All I said was for her to keep her hands to herself, the wolf was mine! You're the one who was all tempting and ferociously sexy." Cal was hopping around behind him, trying mightily to flap his undergrown wings enough to get up to the ceiling. He only got about a foot off the ground before giving up.

"I was not ferociously anything!" Ray insisted, batting at the vanilla cream all over his favorite tie. "I was doing my job and questioning a witness."

"Well do it less sexily next time," Cal snipped, moving away from him and out of Ray's sight. "She was a little pissed she couldn't have you."

"No, she didn't believe that I'd want you, which she wouldn't have done if you hadn't been flitting around like a deranged, jealous butterfly." Actually, it had been almost touching. If anyone should be secure in his feelings, it should be Cal. Ray needed Cal like he needed air and Cal knew it. Furthermore, Cal was...Cal was Cal. Ray loved him so much it was an ache just inside his chest.

But he didn't show it, because Cal had gotten them into this mess--cursed or bespelled or something, locked up inside a giant gingerbread house with no real windows and no doors.

"And sexily isn't a word, Cal, which you know, smartass." He might be wearing a glittering tank top and ripped jeans, but Cal was too smart to pretend otherwise.

At that Cal muttered a quiet reply, just loud enough for Ray's lycanthropic hearing to pick up, "If you hadn't been so focused on your case you might have noticed her hand going for your ass, you blind puppy."

Ray held back a growl and looked around again, at the four walls of gingerbread, at the candied fruit windows and iced windowpanes, the square cobblestones of gum that made up the floor, the high arched ceiling of the same spicy bread.

He'd always wondered why they called it gingerbread. The texture was more like a burnt, stale cookie. And he'd never understood gingerbread houses--little edible homes that no one ever actually ate.

There was a crunching sound at the thought and he closed his eyes. He stood corrected. Of course Cal was eating their prison.

"Ew. It tastes weird," Cal remarked, only to crunch it some more. Ray turned to see Cal licking icing from his fingers, sexily. Try though he might, Ray could think of no other word to describe the action. Cal was prying more gingerbread loose at the same time, and a trickle of cold air rushed in through the hole he was making.

Ray was not going to ask what fairy magic had worked where his claws had failed--or why Cal kept eating what he claimed tasted weird. But he shivered at the air--and at that thing Cal was doing with his tongue. Cal, naturally, didn't seem to notice either Ray's stare or the freezing chill rapidly filling the small room. His nipples tightened however. Ray pulled at his ruined tie.

"Are you saying you were protecting my honor?" he asked incredulously. He was a werewolf, and not a small one, as well as a detective and a grown man. Cal was smart, but he was a half-fairy with a big mouth.

"I was protecting your booty, Ray Ray. Duh." Cal rolled his eyes, then swiped more frosting off the wall. He sucked the tip of his finger into his mouth and let out a long, sad sigh. "I thought you'd appreciate the fact that--while watching you with someone else would be totally hot and everything--I'd rather not see my Ray Ray have to put up with some overly friendly lady's attentions...or see that lady touch you how I touch you. Not ever." Cal frowned at his finger some more, only to snap his head up when Ray moved.

In a heartbeat he was in front of Cal, wrapping his hand carefully around his wrist so as not to scratch him, and then bringing Cal's hand to his mouth.

Cal's eyes met his, wide and swirling with need and enough love to heat the room, and then he smiled. He leaned his head back when Ray nipped the pad of his finger, his fangs not quite pushing past sensitive skin, his tongue lapping up oddly flavorless frosting.

"Oh Ray Ray," Cal pushed out happily. "You aren't mad?"

"Mad?" Ray nearly shrugged, but settled for sucking Cal's finger further into his mouth, inhaling so much sugargingerloveneed that his head swam. "I could never be mad at you."

Not for long anyway. Though Penelope had to be frantic outside of this house. Any minute now she'd be shooting her way in.

Cal's hand fluttered near his chest. His eyes slid shut.

"Ray?" he began before wetting his lips. "I know you're doing this to prove to that sorceress that you love me, just in case she's watching and that's the way to break the spell..."

"Yeah?" Ray encouraged him, taking in two fingers and watching Cal give an exquisite shudder.

"...But don't stop," Cal begged, and Ray stepped forward, urging Cal back up against the wall he'd just broken open. Cracks spread out from Cal's body, and Cal was probably right about this being the way to break the spell.

That hadn't been why Ray had started this however, so he pulled Cal's fingers away from his mouth and bent down, sliding a slow kiss across Cal's parted lips.

The gingerbread behind him snapped, ripples shooting out from the point of impact, from their heat and the scent of Cal in love, and distantly, Ray could hear Penn shouting and knew they'd be free in moments.

He didn't stop. Cal just made a small sound, a moan like he ached too, and wrapped himself around Ray.





Someday I ought to collect all the commentfic for them in one location. Perhaps someday when they have an audience bigger than three. :)