![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thatrcooperSometimes I wonder how much I ought to talk about, what sort of writer-blogger should I be? Share everything personal? Share nothing personal? Something in the middle? Only positive things? Then I think, meh, girl, focus on the stories. But that does leave weirdness that still has to be addressed.
Like right now I'm in a weird in between place with my stories. Normally I am down for in between and undefined, but other times a definition is useful. Am I a writer? (Or at least, a paid one?) Am I better off as someone with a real life, outside of my head, job who only writes when she can, as a hobby? I know some people like my stories, but most people hate or are indifferent to them, from what I can tell. I am, and always have been, a weirdo outsider. So really not being hugely successful or popular isn't a new thing for me. (Always the weird bridesmaid, never the weird bride). But I've reached a point where I have to do the math (ugh) and figure out what's best for me, financially and mentally. So I'm kind of in a strange headspace right now. It doesn't mean I'm not writing or doing anything, just that my mood has once again swung down and I'm not in condition for a lot of things at the moment. Real life can wear a person down, sometimes.
For something less melancholy to talk about, we could discuss buttsex in m/m romance fiction. The expectations for it and the ways it's used and written. But uuuggghhhh that sounds like a deep discussion (no pun intended) and I don't think I can handle it yet. I only mention it at all because of Wicklow and his touch/trust issues.
Speaking of Wicklow. Did I ever tell you guys how Lucy and I like to discuss an event that happened before the book, when all of D.C. was convinced Rhoades was already sleeping with Wicklow (even if they didn't know their exact relationship or what Wicklow does for a living)? And some political rival of Rhoades' attempts to go after Wicklow to get at Rhoades, and Rhoades finds out and slowly, thoroughly, ruthlessly, destroys that person to make it clear to everyone the consequences of trying to go after his people/his Wicklow? And he never mentions a thing to Wicklow? He simply continues to invite him over in the evenings, and feed him and care for him and watch him when he thinks Wicklow won't see?
Only Wicklow always sees more than he lets on, and he hears the rumors. He doesn't think Rhoades did it for him, exactly. He thinks Rhoades was protecting the team, but this is Wicklow and he doesn't like debt. And secretly he is pleased Rhoades did this merciless thing for them. He's proud of him, fond in a way Wicklow doesn't have words for. So he decides to reward Rhoades, in his way, and holds still when Rhoades watches him and lets him look. Until he's shivering and unduly warm and confused because he thought he was doing Rhoades a favor but he is the one who feels better with this unspoken thing shimmering between them. Rhoades is looking and for the first time, although Wicklow doesn't say it or even think it directly, Wicklow is considering what Rhoades wants from him. And he is warm, and he is not scared. Perhaps he ought to be. He knows what Rhoades is capable of. But he is safe there in Rhoades' library. Rhoades will never hurt him.
And by the way, thank you, anyone who reads my stuff, and especially those who send me comments. It's honestly one of the greatest feelings to hear about how someone stayed up late to finish your story, or how it made them cry. Sure, I respond awkwardly and probably always will. But it's genuinely moving to know somebody liked something I did that much. You guys are great. :)
Like right now I'm in a weird in between place with my stories. Normally I am down for in between and undefined, but other times a definition is useful. Am I a writer? (Or at least, a paid one?) Am I better off as someone with a real life, outside of my head, job who only writes when she can, as a hobby? I know some people like my stories, but most people hate or are indifferent to them, from what I can tell. I am, and always have been, a weirdo outsider. So really not being hugely successful or popular isn't a new thing for me. (Always the weird bridesmaid, never the weird bride). But I've reached a point where I have to do the math (ugh) and figure out what's best for me, financially and mentally. So I'm kind of in a strange headspace right now. It doesn't mean I'm not writing or doing anything, just that my mood has once again swung down and I'm not in condition for a lot of things at the moment. Real life can wear a person down, sometimes.
For something less melancholy to talk about, we could discuss buttsex in m/m romance fiction. The expectations for it and the ways it's used and written. But uuuggghhhh that sounds like a deep discussion (no pun intended) and I don't think I can handle it yet. I only mention it at all because of Wicklow and his touch/trust issues.
Speaking of Wicklow. Did I ever tell you guys how Lucy and I like to discuss an event that happened before the book, when all of D.C. was convinced Rhoades was already sleeping with Wicklow (even if they didn't know their exact relationship or what Wicklow does for a living)? And some political rival of Rhoades' attempts to go after Wicklow to get at Rhoades, and Rhoades finds out and slowly, thoroughly, ruthlessly, destroys that person to make it clear to everyone the consequences of trying to go after his people/his Wicklow? And he never mentions a thing to Wicklow? He simply continues to invite him over in the evenings, and feed him and care for him and watch him when he thinks Wicklow won't see?
Only Wicklow always sees more than he lets on, and he hears the rumors. He doesn't think Rhoades did it for him, exactly. He thinks Rhoades was protecting the team, but this is Wicklow and he doesn't like debt. And secretly he is pleased Rhoades did this merciless thing for them. He's proud of him, fond in a way Wicklow doesn't have words for. So he decides to reward Rhoades, in his way, and holds still when Rhoades watches him and lets him look. Until he's shivering and unduly warm and confused because he thought he was doing Rhoades a favor but he is the one who feels better with this unspoken thing shimmering between them. Rhoades is looking and for the first time, although Wicklow doesn't say it or even think it directly, Wicklow is considering what Rhoades wants from him. And he is warm, and he is not scared. Perhaps he ought to be. He knows what Rhoades is capable of. But he is safe there in Rhoades' library. Rhoades will never hurt him.
And by the way, thank you, anyone who reads my stuff, and especially those who send me comments. It's honestly one of the greatest feelings to hear about how someone stayed up late to finish your story, or how it made them cry. Sure, I respond awkwardly and probably always will. But it's genuinely moving to know somebody liked something I did that much. You guys are great. :)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-07-27 09:22 pm (UTC)It isn't a moneymaker for us poor souls who aren't up there with the big names; I would be starving in a garret if I had to live off my earnings. But I love doing it and I'm so proud of being a proper published author.
And I'm proud to know you ::hugs::
no subject
Date: 2014-07-27 11:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 03:51 am (UTC)Do what's best for you personally, but know that for all the loudmouthed haters, there's a lot more shy people who love what your mind produces... (okay, I'm going to go hide back in the woodwork now..)
no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 04:10 am (UTC)Was that mean review on GR by any chance?
:) thank you
Date: 2014-07-28 04:16 am (UTC)God I do love those two idiots though.
no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 04:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 06:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 12:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 01:58 pm (UTC)And yeah, I hear you. So many illegal downloads don't help :-( Josh Lanyon was saying recently he makes 100k a year and Alexa and I practically fell over in a dead faint.
Me, I have 17 books in print and some short stories and I made $13,000 last year. It's not a living wage, it's a hobby I get paid for.
no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 04:53 pm (UTC)100k??? omg He's like what's her face, who writes the books in the grocery store. Now I can't remember her name. But her name is on a lot of books.
Illegal downloads. :( My attitude toward them is they could at least write nice reviews on GR or something. At the very least. You know? Like a thank you for the work they just stole. Something.
no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 04:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 05:03 pm (UTC)Yeah, I hear you.
no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 05:12 pm (UTC)Socially awkward heroes! I hope Dreamspinner wants Theo and Zeki, because Theo is so amazingly awkward. And wonderful.
no subject
Date: 2014-07-29 03:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-29 03:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-29 08:22 am (UTC)Kiracee
no subject
Date: 2014-07-29 05:25 pm (UTC)I feel like the opposite of brave, but thank you.
no subject
Date: 2014-07-29 05:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-30 03:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-30 03:58 am (UTC)I hope you are taking care of yourself as best you can. Depression can make that difficult, but please try. (And feel free to anon nag me about it too, on the days where I'm not eating and haven't left the house in forever. Or you know, talk to me if you need some resources or anything.)
no subject
Date: 2014-07-30 04:05 am (UTC)Which is a long way to say, thank you. I'm glad you like my stories. :)
no subject
Date: 2014-07-30 04:17 am (UTC)I love your books!
Date: 2014-07-30 08:02 pm (UTC)I wanted to let you know that I am a huge fan of your books. I have read A Boy and His Dragon, Play it Again Charlie, and Some Kind of Magic multiple times on my Kindle. As an avid reader of M/M romance, I read a lot of novels but very seldom do I actually re-read books unless they are really special to me. Your books definitely fall into this latter category! I really appreciate the subtlety and nuance of your character interactions. Seriously, they are thrilling (and hot!) and I often find small things I didn't notice before each new time I re-read the books. I am really looking forward to your next Beings book whenever it comes out and I hope you might write a sequel to Play it Again, Charlie some day because I just adore Charlie and Will and would love to see more of them and their relationship as it develops. :)
Despite my love for these books, I admit when Wicklow's Odyssey came out it was the first time I hesitated to buy one of your works. In general I'm not a fan of historical romances or AUs, and the book jacket description made me a bit unsure as to whether or not I would enjoy it. But, after debating for a day or two I decided to give it a try because you always create such compelling characters that I want to know more about. I'm so glad I bought it! Once again you have created two phenomenal characters in Wicklow and Rhoades. I read the book in one sitting and was dying for a sequel! You completely won me over with this one despite my typical lack of interest in historicals and AUs. That, in my opinion, is the mark of a very talented writer. I'd love to see more of Wicklow and Rhoades' adventures down the road!
I suppose there are always going to be readers who give negative reviews, and in fact I think there are some folks on Goodreads who make it their mission to write them (which is evil and creepy). But I think your writing is incredibly engaging, unique, and magical. I'm always transported into the worlds you create and I identify very much with many of your characters. Please keep writing because your work really speaks to me and your books have become my go to comfort read. I think you are one of the best M/M writers out there right now and I can't wait to read your next book!
Best,
Chloe
no subject
Date: 2014-07-30 10:06 pm (UTC)Re: I love your books!
Date: 2014-07-31 03:09 am (UTC)I get negative reviews all the time (I'm very talky. I get that.) This is more a financial consideration. I am not sure I can afford to devote as much time to this anymore. Which makes me sad, but my writing is, hmm, quirky? at best, so I'm not likely to ever get to a high ranking sales status.
Hopefully people keep wanting to read what I do write though. Writing frustrates me but makes me happy like nothing else.
Thank you so much for giving Wicklow a chance! I am still not sure what came over me when I decided to write it. It went from a random short story to a novel I wrote in record time, and I still don't know where it came from.
Depression Lies
Date: 2014-07-31 05:08 pm (UTC)Of course, you should do the math and do what is best for yourself. Self-care is very important, and paying the bills is generally a useful part of that. But don't let the haters, even those inside your own mind, get you down.
Love yourself and know that others love you and your work.
Re: Depression Lies
Date: 2014-08-01 05:08 am (UTC)You would think, after years of this, I would know how to better deal with it all.
I want to keep writing. I know I will, although not at the moment. At the moment the confidence and energy required isn't there. Thank you for liking my work enough to write me. I've never read the Bloggess. I confess that my internet activities are mostly fannish and research-related. But I did Google her just now and she seems interesting. The world needs more people talking about their depression. It helps. :)
no subject
Date: 2014-08-01 07:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-08-01 03:28 pm (UTC)you beautiful weirdo
Date: 2014-08-01 09:22 pm (UTC)I am one of those who LOVE your books. Some of the shit that makes for popular reading is disturbing. You have something that connects to the heart and imagination that stands out amongst the rest. I am probably selfishly motivated her because I do so love your stories and return to them over and over when I am left unmoved and frustrated by other reading. Right now re-reading "Some Kind of Magic". It makes me happy through out my workday knowing I am going home to read more. I go through regular spurts of being infatuated with Charlie and Will and love the scene where Will is trying to get free from the plastic bag around his wrist filled with the left over sushi. I also keep wanting more of Fragipanni's story. Whatever you decide, thank you for sharing your muse and special creativity. You have given me so much pleasure in your writing.
Mary
Creating the state
Date: 2014-08-01 11:51 pm (UTC)Re: you beautiful weirdo
Date: 2014-08-02 02:39 am (UTC)Will and the plastic sushi bag! That's a good moment to fixate on. He so desperately wants to touch Charlie. He sooo is not the glamorous, perfect thing Charlie thinks he is. He's adorable and he's sexy and throws a little fit about it. Charlie never had a chance.
All this talk of Charlie and Will is making me miss them.
I will definitely keep writing, I don't think I could ever stop, but my pace might change for a while. :)
Re: Creating the state
Date: 2014-08-02 02:46 am (UTC)More, please!
Date: 2014-08-08 06:54 pm (UTC)Keep up the good work!
Re: :) thank you
Date: 2014-12-14 08:17 pm (UTC)Re: More, please!
Date: 2014-12-14 10:46 pm (UTC)Re: :) thank you
Date: 2014-12-14 10:49 pm (UTC)