ordinary, wonderful blue
Aug. 20th, 2014 08:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thatrcooperBack to that official news I promised.
Dreamspinner accepted "A Beginner's Guide to Wooing Your Mate" --shocking me more than anyone. Now, of course, I have even more doubt about it. Should I have made it longer? (It's only about a hundred pages.) Should I have given it an epilogue?
Sigh.
This is good news though. It also means that I had to submit the story that follows it, the story that wouldn't go away, "Little Wolf." (Which is over 300 pages somehow). I made myself submit it this evening. Now I have even more doubt, and eight weeks in which to feel it.
But that's okay. Feelings are good.
Speaking of which. I want all of you awesome people to know I'm okay. A little slow, at the moment. Some anxiety issues and some crying but okay. Good even. Better than I was. As I was just telling a kind anon, my mood swings usually aren't so sudden or dramatic and there was a lot of personal drama that made it worse. (It's still happening, in fact, but I finally remembered the ways I've learned to deal with things, and I feel better about starting to face all of it. Someday. For today it was enough to submit "Little Wolf" and make myself work out a little.) Anyway, I wanted to say again that you all have been amazing. To show my love, I thought I'd post this.
So on Tumblr last week, I tried to kick start my brain into active/writing mode again (it didn't really work. Everything was painstaking and slow and focusing sucked) but I did manage to answer three of the writing prompts people gave me.
Here is one. I will edit the other two and post them at a later date. (They were Will/Charlie prompts.)
The prompt was amnesia, and I chose Ray and Cal from "Some Kind of Magic" because lately, the Beings stories I've done have involved werewolves dealing with their instincts, and how they might trust their instincts, but they don't really understand them. Also there is a very, very vague "Little Wolf" reference in there, but it isn't a spoiler or anything.
~~
Cal flew into the room and crouched over Ray’s body. He heard Benny run in behind him, still yelling for Cal to slow down so Benny could check for any lingering magic. Cal already knew there wasn’t. He could feel the lingering energy from whatever had happened before they’d arrived, whatever had knocked Ray out like this, but there wasn’t anything else. The wizard Ray had been hunting was nowhere around. She’d probably exhausted herself doing whatever it was she’d done to his Ray.
He felt along Ray’s chest for injuries, burns, a heartbeat, all the while trying to control his own panic at how slowly Ray was responding. Cal had to stay calm. That was a lesson he’d learned the hard way. Ray reacted to Cal’s emotions, even the ones Cal thought he was hiding. You can’t hide things like that from a werewolf. A racing pulse, the shiver of fear, the damp chill of anxiety, a were noticed all of it, and noticed it more when his mate was involved. It made for fun in bed, but not out of it. Not like this. Cal had to stay calm. Ray was breathing, Ray had a heartbeat, he was opening his eyes. Cal had to be calm.
“Ray?” he questioned as softly as he could. His voice wasn’t even, but it was the best he could do. Benny crept around the corners of the room, doing something about the human magic there, maybe, Cal wasn’t really sure. There was no sign of Penn, which made Cal swallow a lot of harsh words. He put his hands to the side of Ray’s face and swept Ray’s hair back. He didn’t recall that much silver in Ray’s hair. Whatever magic had been worked in here, it had been strong. It had taken something from Ray, enough to manifest physically. Cal barely kept from screaming. “Ray!”
Ray opened his eyes. They were glowing, alive and animal and frightening for the moment before Cal got a hold of himself. No matter what magic had been done to him, Ray would never harm Cal. But the wolf was ascendant in him and that wasn’t good, not if Cal didn’t know what else was going on. “Ray,” he said again, leaning down to let his scent wash over Ray. That was what Ray had told him to do, if he ever lost control for any reason. Ray never lost control, so Cal had taken the warning very, very seriously.
He leaned down and Ray took a breath. His eyes, impossibly, seemed to reflect all the light in the room. He shivered as though he could feel Cal’s sparkle where it popped out of existence against his skin.
“You.” Ray growled the word. Cal felt it in his chest, humming through him to zip along his spine. It traveled through his blood like sugar after hours of hunger, which was like days to a fairy.
Cal’s mouth went dry. “Ray, are you alright? What happened?”
“You,” Ray murmured—growled—again, before dragging himself up to lean against the wall. He never took his eyes off Cal except for a quick, wary glance in Benny’s direction. Benny, wisely, froze. Something was wrong, and it wasn’t smart to make sudden moves around an uncertain werewolf.
“Me?” Cal tried, hoping Ray could explain something before the wizard returned or some latent spell sprang into action.
Ray drew in a long, satisfied breath and then stunned Cal into silence with his wide, soft smile. “You. You’re my mate. What’s your name?”
There was no possible way to answer. Cal let out a small squeak that was nothing to the worried, “uh oh” from Benny behind him.
“My mate.” Ray didn’t seem to find it odd that Cal hadn’t responded. He reached up as if he wanted to rest his palm against Cal’s face but then thought better of it. He studied Cal’s wings and the top of his head and his bare chest and then rumbled before straightening up a little more. “You smell good, and you’re so pretty. May I come closer? I’d like to touch you, if you wouldn’t mind, mate. Mine?”
“I…?” Cal lost his breath. Ray had stolen it with a few words and a wide-eyed, wonder-filled stare. “You can touch me, Ray Ray. Always.” In the back of his mind the facts were creeping up: the residue of magical energy, the wizard’s last, puzzling words about making Cal suffer a loss, Ray’s confusion. But at the forefront there was only Ray, who was looking at Cal like he was made of star-stuff and gold. “Mate,” Cal repeated back to him when Ray carefully, lightly caressed his jaw. Cal closed his eyes for a moment. “Mate,” Cal told him, and Ray made a sound as if savoring the word.
“Never heard of a fairy mated to a were,” Ray observed, then lifted his head in sudden alarm. Cal jerked away, glancing around for a threat, but Ray’s attention was fixed to him. “You… do you feel it yet? I remember…” Ray paused to frown, as if his lack of memory was just now becoming a problem. “I remember hearing that others don’t know at first, that humans take longer to know what we know. But you aren’t human, not completely?” Cal’s smaller wings were the most obvious sign of his mixed human-fairy blood. Ray seemed to recognize that, so his memory wasn’t completely gone.
He just… he just didn’t remember Cal.
Benny made a noise. Cal didn’t think he did anything, but he must have, because Ray blinked and leaned in to pet a hand over his hair. “I will protect you, mate.”
It was the worst thing he could have said. Cal felt like someone was crushing his heart. He fell forward so he could put his face to Ray’s throat. He could feel Ray’s tension and knew he shouldn’t have done it; weres regarded that as a threat. But Ray let him. He was wary and confused and had no idea who Cal was, but he trusted his instincts. His instincts said Cal was safe, was his mate, and so Ray let him cuddle close.
Cal sniffled and was not proud of himself. “Ray Ray, what did she do to you?”
“Who?” Ray was definitely alarmed, no matter how warm and familiar he felt, or how he was stroking a hand over the back of Cal’s head as if Cal were the one who needed soothing. Cal could feel Ray’s heartbeat now, how his breath was coming just a little too fast. Ray pushed his nose into Cal’s hair and inhaled. Cal had no doubt he reeked of fear and worry. “What happened?” Ray curled his hands around Cal’s hips and held him tight. “I’m on the floor and I’m… tired. Weres don’t get tired. I don’t get tired. Tell me what’s wrong. You… what did you call me?”
“Ray Ray.” Cal ought to stop. He should pull away and let Ray catch his breath. Then they could figure this out calmly. But he wasn’t moving. He rubbed his face all over Ray and wished he could purr when Ray did the same to him. “That’s what I call you, sometimes. Your name is Ray. Ray Branigan. Do you remember that?” His heart sank when Ray nodded. So the memory loss really was restricted to Cal himself. Cal slid into Ray’s lap. “I pissed off a wizard you were investigating. So she… she punished me with this. Because we’re… you’re mine. My Ray Ray.”
“Do I like it when you call me that?” Ray pushed his big hands up Cal’s back, mindful of Cal’s wings as if his hands remembered what his mind couldn’t. Cal mumbled, “Pretty sure you tolerate it, but I wouldn’t say you like it,” without lifting his head, but finally looked up when Ray’s growl rumbled through him again. “I have a mate. I never thought I would.” Ray’s every word was heartbreaking. “I have a mate.” He squeezed Cal against him. “I will do my best to make you happy and protect you. I will protect you above all else.”
Cal gave a start. He knew Ray loved him—had loved him. He knew Ray would die trying to save him, and almost had, once. But Ray had never said that before, not in that certain, wolfy tone. Cal turned to shoot Benny a look. Benny had his eyebrows up. He shrugged. Cal turned back to his wolf.
“Is that… is that what mate means to weres, Ray? Is that what you mean?”
Ray frowned, but inclined his head. “I will provide for you and protect you.”
“That explains a lot,” Benny remarked, briefly drawing Ray’s attention. Cal silently agreed.
Ray continued to frown. “You’re fairy.” He seemed to notice all over again. “If you’re fairy you might… you might not want me, later. You might forget me. Don’t feel bad. I don’t want you to feel bad. You can’t help it if you leave me.” His voice cracked in a way Cal had never heard before.
“Raymond Branigan, the things you choose not to tell me,” Cal whispered under his breath, although of course Ray would hear. He had often wondered why Ray hadn’t declared himself as his mate immediately after meeting him. Weres supposedly did that, in every book, in the stories Cal had heard from visitors to places like Wolf’s Paw. But Ray hadn’t. Ray had fought it for years, and when Cal had finally gotten him to explain, he’d said Cal had scared him. That he’d thought Cal would leave. He’d hinted he hadn’t wanted to put Cal through that, as if that made sense.
It was making more sense now. Cal raised a hand so Ray could sniff his palm and press it to his mouth. “Was this why you waited so long to tell me what we both already knew?”
“Fairies don’t like sadness,” Ray explained mournfully. He was devouring Cal’s scent, breathing it in despite not having a single memory of Cal until this moment. “Fairy hate ugly things. Everyone knows that. If you leave me, don’t stay around. You won’t like me. You won’t like what I will become.”
Cal tugged his hand free in order to slap it over Ray’s mouth. “Ray, I won’t ever leave you. You’re mine. You don’t know me right now, but this, us, remains constant. It’s why she chose this to hurt me, because I can’t imagine life without you. Okay? Nod your head to say, ‘Yes, Callalily, I understand.’” Ray nodded. Cal let out a relieved breath and felt his wings flutter in agitation. “But later, oh, Raymond. Later we are going to have a talk again about the things werewolves forget to mention to people who are not werewolves.”
“That’s a long list,” Benny commented.
Cal tended to agree, but he stuck up for Ray and weres anyway. “They always forget others don’t communicate the way they do. Ray assumes I know things. He forgets I can’t smell, see, hear, like he can. That’s all. He has to be reminded to vocalize.”
Ray’s gaze, although still yellow, were growing more and more focused. For the moment, Cal was the center of the world, the only thing he understood.
Cal kept his eyes on him while he addressed Benny. “Now hurry up and call whoever you have to call to figure out how to break this spell.”
Ray pulled Cal’s hand from his mouth and held it in his lap. His grip was tight. “You claimed me? But you’re a fairy--”
Cal stopped him there. “Ray, I knew you’d be special to me the moment I saw you—no, before then, when I first heard about you. Maybe fairies and humans don’t know things the way weres do, but we know enough. Besides, I live with you, and have for a few years now. We went through all of this years ago.” Cal made his voice gruff to imitate Ray. “‘But, Snapdragon, you’re a fairy. Fairies don’t mate.’ ‘Gardenia, I’m going to push you away for years despite wanting you so much I’m physically weakened and a psychotic asshole nearly kills me.’ ‘Daisy, I can’t resist, please don’t leave me.’” Cal cleared his throat and returned to his normal voice. “Trust me, Ray, we have gone over this and it’s been settled. But I will admit it’s nice to know how it felt for you when you met me. You never said.”
Ray had known. Ray must have known, from the second he met Cal, probably. His denial had been epic, yet even with no memory, he’d known and admitted the truth about Cal. And Cal… “You, Ray, are the shiniest creature I have ever met in my life, and more than that, you make me happy. Once you make a fairy happy, there is no getting of them, no matter how much you try. And boy did you try.”
“I did?” Ray considered him sternly. “Because you’re fairy?” Cal didn’t even have to nod. Ray plucked the answer from the air, or, more likely, from Cal’s scent. “I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you.” Cal didn’t hesitate. “You were scared, and I don’t mind being the only thing in the world capable of scaring Ray Branigan.” However, he had assumed Ray had been running from imaginary heartbreak. Ray was speaking as if the consequences to his mate leaving him would have been far greater than a broken heart. Cal pressed forward, shaking with too many emotions to name. “What would you have become if I’d left you?”
Cal had a vague memory of someone recently discussing a soap opera with a werewolf character, a werewolf who’d lost his mate and then lost his mind. He sucked in a breath. He should have known it was bad if it had scared Ray, if Ray hadn’t even wanted to mention it.
Ray shuddered and could no longer meet Cal’s gaze. “Alone,” he murmured with his head to the side. Alone, as if that meant something truly awful, and to a werewolf used to families and packs, it just might be. Cal wasn’t sure whether to keep pressing or not. He angled a glance at Benny.
Benny was on the phone, Cal noticed belatedly. It sounded like he was trying to reach Cassandra. She was the most powerful magical practitioner they knew, well, who wasn’t a criminal.
Since that problem was being handled as best as it could be by Benny, Cal focused on the werewolf in his arms, the werewolf doing a pretty good job of pretending he wasn’t terrified. Nothing scared Ray but Cal, even when Ray didn’t know him yet, he was already afraid of losing him.
Cal went for broke and wrapped himself around Ray. He buried his face in Ray’s throat and was extremely gratified when Ray lifted his head to allow it. “Well,” Cal mumbled against him, his wings announcing his state of excitement and nerves, “I’m not going to leave you, Ray. We’ve discussed it. You’re stuck with me forever, so you put that right out of your mind. Even now. Even with no memory. Even if you have to meet my dad all over again, or my mother all over again, we’re still mates. Right?” He honestly treasured the little whuffy growl sound Ray made. He had to pet him. “We’ll fix this. And if we can’t, so what? You get to first kiss me again. First everything again, Ray.” The second growl sent delighted shivers down Cal’s spine. “So, you see, Ray, you aren’t ever getting rid of me.”
They both jerked and turned to the door as it burst open. Penn stood there, her gun drawn, her glance as sharp as her teeth. She looked over all of them before narrowing her eyes to the two of them on the floor. “Oh, what the hell? I’ve been freaking out and you two have been canoodling this whole time?”
“Canoodling!” Cal repeated in outrage, holding Ray still with one hand on his chest.
“Amnesia spell,” Benny filled her in, ever the diplomat. Penn’s hard expression flickered before she reconsidered Ray. “We think she did it to punish Cal. We don’t know how she got him here or how long it will last. I left a message with Cassandra, but we should probably get him out of here.”
Cal could not have said what Penn was thinking as she stared at her partner, as Ray stared back at her, but then she nodded. “You two finish up. I’m going to watch the entrance and warn you if she returns. But hurry up. Just… hurry up.” Then she was gone.
“Your partner,” Cal explained to Ray before Ray could ask, in case the memories linking Cal and Penn had somehow erased her too.
“She smells like sea air. But good. Like pack. Him too. And you.” Ray managed to seem young despite the new silver in his hair.
Cal petted that again. “Oh, Ray.”
“A witch did this to me, to hurt you?” Ray moved, just like that, climbing to his feet and somehow taking Cal with him. Cal clung to his shoulders and flapped his wings madly. Ray responded by wrapping an arm around his waist to hold him up. “Then you shouldn’t be here. It’s not safe.” For someone running entirely on instinct, Ray wasn’t much different from his usual self. Cal simply hadn’t understood before that the one thing driving Ray more than anything else was Cal, and Cal’s safety.
“Oh,” Cal said, so stupidly Benny was going to mock him for it later. “Mate,” he agreed, as though Ray had said it out loud again. The word echoed with new meanings. Ray should have told him. Ray had assumed he’d known. Ray was an idiot. “Callalily,” Cal introduced himself quietly, gazing up into eyes that still had not lost their glow. Ray was alarmed and he had only Cal to guide him until they fixed this. Cal would be calm. He could do this. “I’m Cal. Your mate. I will not leave you. Nod, or say ‘yes, Peach Blossom.’ And then we can leave, and you can keep me safe. All right, Ray? I’m not a were. You haven’t learned that yet, it seems, but that’s okay. Just nod, or say the words and everything will be okay.”
Ray pulled in a deep breath, full of Cal’s scent. Cal was sparkling but still in his arms. Cal didn’t even attempt to stand on his own. Ray’s eyes began to fade, shifting to ordinary, wonderful blue.
He nodded.
Dreamspinner accepted "A Beginner's Guide to Wooing Your Mate" --shocking me more than anyone. Now, of course, I have even more doubt about it. Should I have made it longer? (It's only about a hundred pages.) Should I have given it an epilogue?
Sigh.
This is good news though. It also means that I had to submit the story that follows it, the story that wouldn't go away, "Little Wolf." (Which is over 300 pages somehow). I made myself submit it this evening. Now I have even more doubt, and eight weeks in which to feel it.
But that's okay. Feelings are good.
Speaking of which. I want all of you awesome people to know I'm okay. A little slow, at the moment. Some anxiety issues and some crying but okay. Good even. Better than I was. As I was just telling a kind anon, my mood swings usually aren't so sudden or dramatic and there was a lot of personal drama that made it worse. (It's still happening, in fact, but I finally remembered the ways I've learned to deal with things, and I feel better about starting to face all of it. Someday. For today it was enough to submit "Little Wolf" and make myself work out a little.) Anyway, I wanted to say again that you all have been amazing. To show my love, I thought I'd post this.
So on Tumblr last week, I tried to kick start my brain into active/writing mode again (it didn't really work. Everything was painstaking and slow and focusing sucked) but I did manage to answer three of the writing prompts people gave me.
Here is one. I will edit the other two and post them at a later date. (They were Will/Charlie prompts.)
The prompt was amnesia, and I chose Ray and Cal from "Some Kind of Magic" because lately, the Beings stories I've done have involved werewolves dealing with their instincts, and how they might trust their instincts, but they don't really understand them. Also there is a very, very vague "Little Wolf" reference in there, but it isn't a spoiler or anything.
~~
Cal flew into the room and crouched over Ray’s body. He heard Benny run in behind him, still yelling for Cal to slow down so Benny could check for any lingering magic. Cal already knew there wasn’t. He could feel the lingering energy from whatever had happened before they’d arrived, whatever had knocked Ray out like this, but there wasn’t anything else. The wizard Ray had been hunting was nowhere around. She’d probably exhausted herself doing whatever it was she’d done to his Ray.
He felt along Ray’s chest for injuries, burns, a heartbeat, all the while trying to control his own panic at how slowly Ray was responding. Cal had to stay calm. That was a lesson he’d learned the hard way. Ray reacted to Cal’s emotions, even the ones Cal thought he was hiding. You can’t hide things like that from a werewolf. A racing pulse, the shiver of fear, the damp chill of anxiety, a were noticed all of it, and noticed it more when his mate was involved. It made for fun in bed, but not out of it. Not like this. Cal had to stay calm. Ray was breathing, Ray had a heartbeat, he was opening his eyes. Cal had to be calm.
“Ray?” he questioned as softly as he could. His voice wasn’t even, but it was the best he could do. Benny crept around the corners of the room, doing something about the human magic there, maybe, Cal wasn’t really sure. There was no sign of Penn, which made Cal swallow a lot of harsh words. He put his hands to the side of Ray’s face and swept Ray’s hair back. He didn’t recall that much silver in Ray’s hair. Whatever magic had been worked in here, it had been strong. It had taken something from Ray, enough to manifest physically. Cal barely kept from screaming. “Ray!”
Ray opened his eyes. They were glowing, alive and animal and frightening for the moment before Cal got a hold of himself. No matter what magic had been done to him, Ray would never harm Cal. But the wolf was ascendant in him and that wasn’t good, not if Cal didn’t know what else was going on. “Ray,” he said again, leaning down to let his scent wash over Ray. That was what Ray had told him to do, if he ever lost control for any reason. Ray never lost control, so Cal had taken the warning very, very seriously.
He leaned down and Ray took a breath. His eyes, impossibly, seemed to reflect all the light in the room. He shivered as though he could feel Cal’s sparkle where it popped out of existence against his skin.
“You.” Ray growled the word. Cal felt it in his chest, humming through him to zip along his spine. It traveled through his blood like sugar after hours of hunger, which was like days to a fairy.
Cal’s mouth went dry. “Ray, are you alright? What happened?”
“You,” Ray murmured—growled—again, before dragging himself up to lean against the wall. He never took his eyes off Cal except for a quick, wary glance in Benny’s direction. Benny, wisely, froze. Something was wrong, and it wasn’t smart to make sudden moves around an uncertain werewolf.
“Me?” Cal tried, hoping Ray could explain something before the wizard returned or some latent spell sprang into action.
Ray drew in a long, satisfied breath and then stunned Cal into silence with his wide, soft smile. “You. You’re my mate. What’s your name?”
There was no possible way to answer. Cal let out a small squeak that was nothing to the worried, “uh oh” from Benny behind him.
“My mate.” Ray didn’t seem to find it odd that Cal hadn’t responded. He reached up as if he wanted to rest his palm against Cal’s face but then thought better of it. He studied Cal’s wings and the top of his head and his bare chest and then rumbled before straightening up a little more. “You smell good, and you’re so pretty. May I come closer? I’d like to touch you, if you wouldn’t mind, mate. Mine?”
“I…?” Cal lost his breath. Ray had stolen it with a few words and a wide-eyed, wonder-filled stare. “You can touch me, Ray Ray. Always.” In the back of his mind the facts were creeping up: the residue of magical energy, the wizard’s last, puzzling words about making Cal suffer a loss, Ray’s confusion. But at the forefront there was only Ray, who was looking at Cal like he was made of star-stuff and gold. “Mate,” Cal repeated back to him when Ray carefully, lightly caressed his jaw. Cal closed his eyes for a moment. “Mate,” Cal told him, and Ray made a sound as if savoring the word.
“Never heard of a fairy mated to a were,” Ray observed, then lifted his head in sudden alarm. Cal jerked away, glancing around for a threat, but Ray’s attention was fixed to him. “You… do you feel it yet? I remember…” Ray paused to frown, as if his lack of memory was just now becoming a problem. “I remember hearing that others don’t know at first, that humans take longer to know what we know. But you aren’t human, not completely?” Cal’s smaller wings were the most obvious sign of his mixed human-fairy blood. Ray seemed to recognize that, so his memory wasn’t completely gone.
He just… he just didn’t remember Cal.
Benny made a noise. Cal didn’t think he did anything, but he must have, because Ray blinked and leaned in to pet a hand over his hair. “I will protect you, mate.”
It was the worst thing he could have said. Cal felt like someone was crushing his heart. He fell forward so he could put his face to Ray’s throat. He could feel Ray’s tension and knew he shouldn’t have done it; weres regarded that as a threat. But Ray let him. He was wary and confused and had no idea who Cal was, but he trusted his instincts. His instincts said Cal was safe, was his mate, and so Ray let him cuddle close.
Cal sniffled and was not proud of himself. “Ray Ray, what did she do to you?”
“Who?” Ray was definitely alarmed, no matter how warm and familiar he felt, or how he was stroking a hand over the back of Cal’s head as if Cal were the one who needed soothing. Cal could feel Ray’s heartbeat now, how his breath was coming just a little too fast. Ray pushed his nose into Cal’s hair and inhaled. Cal had no doubt he reeked of fear and worry. “What happened?” Ray curled his hands around Cal’s hips and held him tight. “I’m on the floor and I’m… tired. Weres don’t get tired. I don’t get tired. Tell me what’s wrong. You… what did you call me?”
“Ray Ray.” Cal ought to stop. He should pull away and let Ray catch his breath. Then they could figure this out calmly. But he wasn’t moving. He rubbed his face all over Ray and wished he could purr when Ray did the same to him. “That’s what I call you, sometimes. Your name is Ray. Ray Branigan. Do you remember that?” His heart sank when Ray nodded. So the memory loss really was restricted to Cal himself. Cal slid into Ray’s lap. “I pissed off a wizard you were investigating. So she… she punished me with this. Because we’re… you’re mine. My Ray Ray.”
“Do I like it when you call me that?” Ray pushed his big hands up Cal’s back, mindful of Cal’s wings as if his hands remembered what his mind couldn’t. Cal mumbled, “Pretty sure you tolerate it, but I wouldn’t say you like it,” without lifting his head, but finally looked up when Ray’s growl rumbled through him again. “I have a mate. I never thought I would.” Ray’s every word was heartbreaking. “I have a mate.” He squeezed Cal against him. “I will do my best to make you happy and protect you. I will protect you above all else.”
Cal gave a start. He knew Ray loved him—had loved him. He knew Ray would die trying to save him, and almost had, once. But Ray had never said that before, not in that certain, wolfy tone. Cal turned to shoot Benny a look. Benny had his eyebrows up. He shrugged. Cal turned back to his wolf.
“Is that… is that what mate means to weres, Ray? Is that what you mean?”
Ray frowned, but inclined his head. “I will provide for you and protect you.”
“That explains a lot,” Benny remarked, briefly drawing Ray’s attention. Cal silently agreed.
Ray continued to frown. “You’re fairy.” He seemed to notice all over again. “If you’re fairy you might… you might not want me, later. You might forget me. Don’t feel bad. I don’t want you to feel bad. You can’t help it if you leave me.” His voice cracked in a way Cal had never heard before.
“Raymond Branigan, the things you choose not to tell me,” Cal whispered under his breath, although of course Ray would hear. He had often wondered why Ray hadn’t declared himself as his mate immediately after meeting him. Weres supposedly did that, in every book, in the stories Cal had heard from visitors to places like Wolf’s Paw. But Ray hadn’t. Ray had fought it for years, and when Cal had finally gotten him to explain, he’d said Cal had scared him. That he’d thought Cal would leave. He’d hinted he hadn’t wanted to put Cal through that, as if that made sense.
It was making more sense now. Cal raised a hand so Ray could sniff his palm and press it to his mouth. “Was this why you waited so long to tell me what we both already knew?”
“Fairies don’t like sadness,” Ray explained mournfully. He was devouring Cal’s scent, breathing it in despite not having a single memory of Cal until this moment. “Fairy hate ugly things. Everyone knows that. If you leave me, don’t stay around. You won’t like me. You won’t like what I will become.”
Cal tugged his hand free in order to slap it over Ray’s mouth. “Ray, I won’t ever leave you. You’re mine. You don’t know me right now, but this, us, remains constant. It’s why she chose this to hurt me, because I can’t imagine life without you. Okay? Nod your head to say, ‘Yes, Callalily, I understand.’” Ray nodded. Cal let out a relieved breath and felt his wings flutter in agitation. “But later, oh, Raymond. Later we are going to have a talk again about the things werewolves forget to mention to people who are not werewolves.”
“That’s a long list,” Benny commented.
Cal tended to agree, but he stuck up for Ray and weres anyway. “They always forget others don’t communicate the way they do. Ray assumes I know things. He forgets I can’t smell, see, hear, like he can. That’s all. He has to be reminded to vocalize.”
Ray’s gaze, although still yellow, were growing more and more focused. For the moment, Cal was the center of the world, the only thing he understood.
Cal kept his eyes on him while he addressed Benny. “Now hurry up and call whoever you have to call to figure out how to break this spell.”
Ray pulled Cal’s hand from his mouth and held it in his lap. His grip was tight. “You claimed me? But you’re a fairy--”
Cal stopped him there. “Ray, I knew you’d be special to me the moment I saw you—no, before then, when I first heard about you. Maybe fairies and humans don’t know things the way weres do, but we know enough. Besides, I live with you, and have for a few years now. We went through all of this years ago.” Cal made his voice gruff to imitate Ray. “‘But, Snapdragon, you’re a fairy. Fairies don’t mate.’ ‘Gardenia, I’m going to push you away for years despite wanting you so much I’m physically weakened and a psychotic asshole nearly kills me.’ ‘Daisy, I can’t resist, please don’t leave me.’” Cal cleared his throat and returned to his normal voice. “Trust me, Ray, we have gone over this and it’s been settled. But I will admit it’s nice to know how it felt for you when you met me. You never said.”
Ray had known. Ray must have known, from the second he met Cal, probably. His denial had been epic, yet even with no memory, he’d known and admitted the truth about Cal. And Cal… “You, Ray, are the shiniest creature I have ever met in my life, and more than that, you make me happy. Once you make a fairy happy, there is no getting of them, no matter how much you try. And boy did you try.”
“I did?” Ray considered him sternly. “Because you’re fairy?” Cal didn’t even have to nod. Ray plucked the answer from the air, or, more likely, from Cal’s scent. “I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you.” Cal didn’t hesitate. “You were scared, and I don’t mind being the only thing in the world capable of scaring Ray Branigan.” However, he had assumed Ray had been running from imaginary heartbreak. Ray was speaking as if the consequences to his mate leaving him would have been far greater than a broken heart. Cal pressed forward, shaking with too many emotions to name. “What would you have become if I’d left you?”
Cal had a vague memory of someone recently discussing a soap opera with a werewolf character, a werewolf who’d lost his mate and then lost his mind. He sucked in a breath. He should have known it was bad if it had scared Ray, if Ray hadn’t even wanted to mention it.
Ray shuddered and could no longer meet Cal’s gaze. “Alone,” he murmured with his head to the side. Alone, as if that meant something truly awful, and to a werewolf used to families and packs, it just might be. Cal wasn’t sure whether to keep pressing or not. He angled a glance at Benny.
Benny was on the phone, Cal noticed belatedly. It sounded like he was trying to reach Cassandra. She was the most powerful magical practitioner they knew, well, who wasn’t a criminal.
Since that problem was being handled as best as it could be by Benny, Cal focused on the werewolf in his arms, the werewolf doing a pretty good job of pretending he wasn’t terrified. Nothing scared Ray but Cal, even when Ray didn’t know him yet, he was already afraid of losing him.
Cal went for broke and wrapped himself around Ray. He buried his face in Ray’s throat and was extremely gratified when Ray lifted his head to allow it. “Well,” Cal mumbled against him, his wings announcing his state of excitement and nerves, “I’m not going to leave you, Ray. We’ve discussed it. You’re stuck with me forever, so you put that right out of your mind. Even now. Even with no memory. Even if you have to meet my dad all over again, or my mother all over again, we’re still mates. Right?” He honestly treasured the little whuffy growl sound Ray made. He had to pet him. “We’ll fix this. And if we can’t, so what? You get to first kiss me again. First everything again, Ray.” The second growl sent delighted shivers down Cal’s spine. “So, you see, Ray, you aren’t ever getting rid of me.”
They both jerked and turned to the door as it burst open. Penn stood there, her gun drawn, her glance as sharp as her teeth. She looked over all of them before narrowing her eyes to the two of them on the floor. “Oh, what the hell? I’ve been freaking out and you two have been canoodling this whole time?”
“Canoodling!” Cal repeated in outrage, holding Ray still with one hand on his chest.
“Amnesia spell,” Benny filled her in, ever the diplomat. Penn’s hard expression flickered before she reconsidered Ray. “We think she did it to punish Cal. We don’t know how she got him here or how long it will last. I left a message with Cassandra, but we should probably get him out of here.”
Cal could not have said what Penn was thinking as she stared at her partner, as Ray stared back at her, but then she nodded. “You two finish up. I’m going to watch the entrance and warn you if she returns. But hurry up. Just… hurry up.” Then she was gone.
“Your partner,” Cal explained to Ray before Ray could ask, in case the memories linking Cal and Penn had somehow erased her too.
“She smells like sea air. But good. Like pack. Him too. And you.” Ray managed to seem young despite the new silver in his hair.
Cal petted that again. “Oh, Ray.”
“A witch did this to me, to hurt you?” Ray moved, just like that, climbing to his feet and somehow taking Cal with him. Cal clung to his shoulders and flapped his wings madly. Ray responded by wrapping an arm around his waist to hold him up. “Then you shouldn’t be here. It’s not safe.” For someone running entirely on instinct, Ray wasn’t much different from his usual self. Cal simply hadn’t understood before that the one thing driving Ray more than anything else was Cal, and Cal’s safety.
“Oh,” Cal said, so stupidly Benny was going to mock him for it later. “Mate,” he agreed, as though Ray had said it out loud again. The word echoed with new meanings. Ray should have told him. Ray had assumed he’d known. Ray was an idiot. “Callalily,” Cal introduced himself quietly, gazing up into eyes that still had not lost their glow. Ray was alarmed and he had only Cal to guide him until they fixed this. Cal would be calm. He could do this. “I’m Cal. Your mate. I will not leave you. Nod, or say ‘yes, Peach Blossom.’ And then we can leave, and you can keep me safe. All right, Ray? I’m not a were. You haven’t learned that yet, it seems, but that’s okay. Just nod, or say the words and everything will be okay.”
Ray pulled in a deep breath, full of Cal’s scent. Cal was sparkling but still in his arms. Cal didn’t even attempt to stand on his own. Ray’s eyes began to fade, shifting to ordinary, wonderful blue.
He nodded.
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no subject
Date: 2014-08-21 04:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-08-22 03:13 am (UTC)I hope to start writing again soon. As soon as my energy's up.
no subject
Date: 2014-08-21 03:44 pm (UTC)Silly Ray, still hasn't learned how to completely vocalize things. But this was a really sweet (even if it would be slightly traumatic) way for Cal to learn more about Ray and Ray's driving motivations. They really are just too cute. :D
no subject
Date: 2014-08-22 03:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-08-21 09:14 pm (UTC)I will haunt DSP's website until they let me order your new stories. Both of them!
I'm so glad you are doing better. No matter what those idiots at work think, it takes a lot of strength. I admire that!
no subject
Date: 2014-08-22 03:15 am (UTC)Thank you. And I've been trying to tune out the workplace idiots.
Love It!
Date: 2014-08-22 01:44 am (UTC)I love this snippet. I think it could easily be the start of a new sequel, which I've always wanted for Cal and Ray. I hope you consider fleshing it out into something bigger.
Re: Love It!
Date: 2014-08-22 03:18 am (UTC)Thanks
Date: 2014-08-22 03:40 am (UTC)And don't ever forget---you have a lot of people thinking about you and wishing you well.
Re: Thanks
Date: 2014-08-23 03:18 am (UTC)Can't resist the Beings!
Date: 2014-08-23 01:26 pm (UTC)I'm greatly looking forward to "A Beginner's Guide to Wooing Your Mate." And---if Dreamspinner doesn't take the longer Beings story you've also written, perhaps you could self-publish (like Kaje Harper and so many others have done with some of their work). Your readers would appreciate it!
Re: Can't resist the Beings!
Date: 2014-08-24 10:27 pm (UTC)Interlude
Date: 2014-08-23 09:06 pm (UTC)Thanks,
Noah
Re: Interlude
Date: 2014-08-24 10:05 pm (UTC)Cal and Ray
Date: 2014-08-24 12:10 pm (UTC)I hope Cal and Ray are in your future, too.
Re: Cal and Ray
Date: 2014-08-24 10:18 pm (UTC)Cal is a darling! But not everyone likes fairies so much. I wrote an imp not too long ago, and he isn't especially fond of them.
no subject
Date: 2014-08-31 11:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-02 06:15 am (UTC)